ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
