Barsexuality is the new black.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
