i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
