He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
