she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
