I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
