his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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