i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
