I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
