you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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