he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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