Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
