It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
