yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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