Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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