ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
