I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
