You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
