her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
