is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
