nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
