You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
