It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
