Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
