if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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