1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
