She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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