i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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