i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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