I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
