Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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