oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
