Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
