she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
