im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How does it feel to date your dad?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
