I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
