I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
