Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
