When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
