Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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