My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
