It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
