so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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