im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
