dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
