i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
