I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
