I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
