whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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