I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
