ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
