Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
