You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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