I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
