Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
