Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
