youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
